One of the things I hate most is a guy who cannot be manly enough to keep his words.

Before I left Manila I was asked by my Lawyer to write the story of me and the ex and until now I haven’t written anything yet, I didn’t know where to start and I really don’t want to do it in the first place, but I guess I really have to and I really can’t escape it now, I have been trying to avoid all this and wanted the easiest and fastest way out, but as I was expecting when he said yes last March it was a fucking lie again, as always.  I really wanted to just wake up one day and all has already fallen into it’s right place.

Laban kung laban, sabi nga ni Attorney, madami akong pwedeng gawin kaya wag ako masyado ma-stress.  I need to stay cool and calm down because I’m also stressing my Mom and Dad already, problem the only person who calms me down and manage to keep me sane is not around everyday.

What did I ever see in him? That’s the hardest question people always ask me and as always say I don’t know.

Why do we really fall in love and fall out of it? as for me… I really don’t know, I woke up one day and realized I love him and same thing happened when I knew I had already fallen out and realized I had enough.

I only have one day off and during that off I shall write a novel! I hope I get to at least start writing.

When I came back here in Manila, I was surprised to see there’s Resort World Manila now, it’s near the new airport.

I never really used to gamble, besides the fact that my dad forbid it, I would rather spend the money to buy my cravings than lose it on some “tong it’s” game… the 3rd card game I’ve learned to play with money involved, but then when I started to do it, I need to admit it’s kinda addicting, it’s good that I have a good self control, I know when enough is enough.

The last time I gamble was at my cousin’s house, during his birthday and we played poker.  When I learned how to play poker, I got so addicted to it and I found myself playing poker online the whole day, but of course without money involve.  Then facebook poker came out and I was able to play poker with my cousins abroad.

June 12, 2010, my cousin’s place, I lost 5 dollars!

It has come to my attention that online casino are now everywhere, even here in manila I see places for online betting.  So if you are a gambler and you want to just stay at the comfort of your home you can still play online, look for the best online casinos, I am sure there are a lot out there.

I am really pissed off right now, it seems to be that everything that my little girl said was true and I hate it when they said I shouldn’t believe everything she says because she’s just a kid, but when she tells the exact same thing repeatedly, I don’t think she made it up.  One of the things I hate the most is stupid lame excuse! I don’t even know if it was just an excuse or just plain stupid.

Anyway, as the lawyer said, it’s his choice, the easy way or the hard way, either way I will win.  Well I wanted to do this while as much as possible we can be friends and civil but I don’t think that is even possible, I didn’t even want the sole custody of my child but I think even that is inevitable. I knew it already but something inside me was still hoping. Well I gave him a choice and he chose to fight and as much as I want this to be over soon and do it as smoothly as possible, I guess I need to have a lot more patience and wait a little longer, anyway it will definitely get annulled, if I have to shell out more money then be it, now I am really thankful I got this job in Singapore.  The good thing is I don’t even have to face the court, so I am still happy, at least I am not the one who will suffer most during the process of all this.

I’m keeping the faith and still praying every night that this will be over soon, well not as soon as I was expecting, but better to wait longer than to be in this hell situation anymore.

I have never regretted getting married until today but it will be over soon… Soon! A year or two is not that bad.

I think you turn, turn the clock, but I don’t really know
And I can’t remember caring for an hour or so
Started crying and I couldn’t help myself
I started running but there’s nowhere to run to

I sat down on the street, took a look at myself
Said, where you going man, you know the world is headed for hell?
Say your goodbyes if you got someone you can say goodbye to

How far we’ve come – Matchbox 20

I am going home to Manila and last night it really synced to me that I’m gonna see my little girl after 5 months of being an absent mother, I miss her so much.  Sometimes I wonder why the hell am I here in Singapore and I would remind myself I need to start a new life, and sometimes I still can’t help myself from crying when I think about what happened to me, but it’s been quite a long time already and I really can say that I’ve also learned to accept the things that happened, at least bit by bit. I need to have a lot of patience and keep the faith that sooner all will fall perfectly into place, I’ve come this far, I cannot breakdown now. It’s life, shit happens, I am strong and I need to keep being strong.

Manila here I come!

This is my Team, well it’s only half of the team… I belong don’t I?