“It is just sex and it means nothing” is a very lame excuse! There was this one I talked to about this stuff, I asked him what if it was his wife who did the same thing, wouldn’t it kill him? He said definitely it will and suddenly told me I made him feel bad but before that he was really defending that there’s nothing wrong with what he does because everyone does it. The hell with everyone, it doesn’t makes it right just because majority do it.  Besides the fact that they cheat their wives, they also risk themselves from getting sick.  Men are sometimes really stupid!

“How do you mend a broken heart? The answer is, you can’t. Cos every time you feel like everything’s fine and you can face the world again, life finds a way to break your heart again. But this time, the breaks are so deep, you can’t mend it anymore. And when you can’t mend it anymore, that’s the scariest thing.”

If I look back to my life last year, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, I would always think why this had happened to me? What’s wrong with me? I totally messed up.

I’m trying to move forward, I am earning good money now, I can settle everything back in Manila and just start over with Maisie with me, surely it will not be easy, it’s not easy being away from her, but I will get there, and I hope sooner.

After everything that had happened in my life, I couldn’t seem to trust anyone, I always get so paranoid, and I always feel like guys are all the same, same stupid promises that they never seem to keep, same sweet talks to get themselves inside your pants, same bullshits.

A good friend told me, that if it hurts more, I should stay on it, face it and don’t run from it and you’ll get numb, until it doesn’t hurt anymore, crazy as it may seem, this too shall pass.

As much as I am still hurting, I am happy, meeting you was fate, the only man in my life now who believes in me so much, in so many ways, whose helping me better myself, who is always there, the best friend I can ever have, the man who accepts everything that I am, the one who says bluntly to my face all my faults, who showed me everything I need to learn about life, how can I push him away?  I always do and he always stays  I’m such a mess and he’s beautiful.

I was heartbroken and it was such a blessing,  I’ve grown so much stronger and met someone who really gives a shit, and even if I can’t really have him now and I know it’s not going to be easy, I’m keeping the faith that our time will come, so for now it’s more than enough that he is always around for me.

Lucky Me Pancit Canton with Fried Chicken Wings

This was my breakfast and lunch yesterday, I missed pancit canton, when I was in college, every time I go home and I don’t like the food that’s in the table I would cook me a pancit canton and have it with rice.  Chinese people here find it awkward that we pinoys eat noodle with rice, kanya kanyang trip yan!

Doritos and Cookies

This was my lunch the other day, I really need to learn how to cook more and eat real food.  My Team lead resigned and he told me he will remember me when he sees junk food because I always bring junk food in office and make everybody eat my junk food, hahaha, what to do? I can’t help it, I cannot live without junk food.  I remember someone told me he wonders how many Lays Potato chips stocks I have at home and always have one when I come to office.

If I were in manila I would always eat V-cut but  here you can only buy it from Lucky Plaza and it’s really expensive.

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In Brazil, they have this project where they develop tree farms and forestry and anyone can join and invest, you can speak with Greenwood regarding the investment here and find more about the project information.  You can help make the world greener and at the same time earn money from it, isn’t a good deal?

Got this from a close college friend’s facebook.  Amazing how skinny I was with curly hair and how I can wear hanging blouse. If I remember it right, this was way back in 3rd Year College.  Life was simpler back then, I miss it.

Before I left Manila I was asked by my Lawyer to write the story of me and the ex and until now I haven’t written anything yet, I didn’t know where to start and I really don’t want to do it in the first place, but I guess I really have to and I really can’t escape it now, I have been trying to avoid all this and wanted the easiest and fastest way out, but as I was expecting when he said yes last March it was a fucking lie again, as always.  I really wanted to just wake up one day and all has already fallen into it’s right place.

Laban kung laban, sabi nga ni Attorney, madami akong pwedeng gawin kaya wag ako masyado ma-stress.  I need to stay cool and calm down because I’m also stressing my Mom and Dad already, problem the only person who calms me down and manage to keep me sane is not around everyday.

What did I ever see in him? That’s the hardest question people always ask me and as always say I don’t know.

Why do we really fall in love and fall out of it? as for me… I really don’t know, I woke up one day and realized I love him and same thing happened when I knew I had already fallen out and realized I had enough.

I only have one day off and during that off I shall write a novel! I hope I get to at least start writing.

I never really used to gamble, besides the fact that my dad forbid it, I would rather spend the money to buy my cravings than lose it on some “tong it’s” game… the 3rd card game I’ve learned to play with money involved, but then when I started to do it, I need to admit it’s kinda addicting, it’s good that I have a good self control, I know when enough is enough.

The last time I gamble was at my cousin’s house, during his birthday and we played poker.  When I learned how to play poker, I got so addicted to it and I found myself playing poker online the whole day, but of course without money involve.  Then facebook poker came out and I was able to play poker with my cousins abroad.

June 12, 2010, my cousin’s place, I lost 5 dollars!

It has come to my attention that online casino are now everywhere, even here in manila I see places for online betting.  So if you are a gambler and you want to just stay at the comfort of your home you can still play online, look for the best online casinos, I am sure there are a lot out there.

Anyway, as the lawyer said, it’s his choice, the easy way or the hard way, either way I will win.  Well I wanted to do this while as much as possible we can be friends and civil but I don’t think that is even possible, I didn’t even want the sole custody of my child but I think even that is inevitable. I knew it already but something inside me was still hoping. Well I gave him a choice and he chose to fight and as much as I want this to be over soon and do it as smoothly as possible, I guess I need to have a lot more patience and wait a little longer, anyway it will definitely get annulled, if I have to shell out more money then be it, now I am really thankful I got this job in Singapore.  The good thing is I don’t even have to face the court, so I am still happy, at least I am not the one who will suffer most during the process of all this.

I’m keeping the faith and still praying every night that this will be over soon, well not as soon as I was expecting, but better to wait longer than to be in this hell situation anymore.

I have never regretted getting married until today but it will be over soon… Soon! A year or two is not that bad.

I think you turn, turn the clock, but I don’t really know
And I can’t remember caring for an hour or so
Started crying and I couldn’t help myself
I started running but there’s nowhere to run to

I sat down on the street, took a look at myself
Said, where you going man, you know the world is headed for hell?
Say your goodbyes if you got someone you can say goodbye to

How far we’ve come – Matchbox 20

I am going home to Manila and last night it really synced to me that I’m gonna see my little girl after 5 months of being an absent mother, I miss her so much.  Sometimes I wonder why the hell am I here in Singapore and I would remind myself I need to start a new life, and sometimes I still can’t help myself from crying when I think about what happened to me, but it’s been quite a long time already and I really can say that I’ve also learned to accept the things that happened, at least bit by bit. I need to have a lot of patience and keep the faith that sooner all will fall perfectly into place, I’ve come this far, I cannot breakdown now. It’s life, shit happens, I am strong and I need to keep being strong.

Manila here I come!

This is my Team, well it’s only half of the team… I belong don’t I?