It’s crazy how I can laugh about it now, he taught me well, he taught me that men can make a girl feel that it means something when it really means nothing, at all, maybe I misread everything.  I admit it was a misunderstanding and I knew what it was from the very beginning.  Thoughts of him still creeps in sometimes, but it doesn’t bring tears to my eyes anymore and strangely it puts a smile on my face.

Anyway, I’m done talking about him now.  I had two of my tooth extracted last week! but that doesn’t stopped me from pigging out! I have been eating too much lately, not sure if it’s because of stress or depression or whatnot!  So I really need to do extra laps to lose what I’ve gained last month!

I have been thinking of resigning but I am really not responding to other opportunities, I don’t think I really want to leave UBS yet, it’s just that I don’t want the crazy work schedule anymore, but if I think about it, I like where I am now, I’m doing more technical work and learning a lot of stuffs, and my boys are right, they love me there so my only issue is my work schedule which is still a big deal for me because I need a day job to be able to get Maisie back.  I just haven’t found the right job yet.  I turned down the offer with DB because I don’t want to be stuck! I still need to weigh things, the schedule with DB is really good because there’s no night shift, offer is just a bit diff from what I’m earning now but the work is really far from what I do in UBS and I am really not sure I want to give that up just for the sake of no night shifts, besides there are other opportunities, the problem with me is I’m lazy all the time!

Is it really that I’m lazy or is it because I don’t want to leave yet?  Jeremiah keeps telling me he doesn’t see it in me that I really want to leave because I just keep saying I want to but I’m not doing anything about it, I’ve turned down three offers for the last two months already and I am not even exerting effort to look for a new job.

Well it’s already August so I guess 4 more months isn’t so bad, but I swear I’ll start finding a new one next week, I’ll have my CV ready.  It’s frustrating because I thought I wanted that job with DB.

I’m still undecided if I should keep this domain name, I think it will expire next month.

PERSAUTH CARD

RSA TOKENS

OLD SCHOOL DESK PHONE

But I am happy, he told me I should be proud of myself, and if I come to think of it, I am! It’s not easy being a single parent in a foreign country but I think I am coping up well, it’s really tiring and sometimes I just want to cry, in fact there are few times already that I cried myself to sleep because I really feel so frustrated.  But I love her and even though sometimes I feel like giving up and I’m thinking of giving her back to my mom, I still can’t do it.  It’s only been a month since she started living with me, and I cannot push her to adjust to this new life overnight and I have to remind myself that.

and I definitely need a new job, a day job preferably.

I need something to distract me as well, I’m falling and it’s scaring the hell out of me.

I dreamt of you the other night and it was not pleasant, you said goodbye and I just stood frozen while you walk away and a good friend was standing besides me comforting me, I wasn’t crying but it felt so real and it felt like dying.  It’s so weird and you told me it’s not real.  You’re not mine, you will never be but why do I have this feeling that my world will fall apart if I lose you?

Kanagasabapathy “Saba”

Our manager got a call from India about Saba’s death last friday and it just hit me that I need to stop whining. I was literally crying on my desk while I was working after our manager gave a final announcement that he died.  He was one of the best guy in the team.

He was the one who raised the request for my account creations when I joined the team, he was very friendly. He was not just a colleague or a mate, he was a good friend, a brother and a mentor. He was an inspiration. He went back home to his homeland for his birthday and he was so excited, he was even facebook-ing before the car accident happened that caused his death . He used to always give me pranks calls on my desk phone before he goes home, or tease me and try to snatch my food or drinks. He was a good man and it was a great loss for his loved ones and for the team.

He will surely be missed and he will always be in our thoughts and prayers.

I had a great day until I got a call from Maisie and she was really sobbing and telling me she wants to be with me so bad, it breaks my heart hearing her cry so much and made me smile when she told me she will get her passport and fly here tomorrow! Like she can do that. Then when I got to office I got this news from two of my Filipino team mates that they intend to leave the company as soon as possible :( made me confused if I should leave too or not.  I really don’t want to leave yet but if people are leaving how I can stay happy here? Maybe I’ll consider just going back to Manila.

Anyway, ever since I felt so low after talking to Maisie on phone, Bert Thompson Unix Zurich Admin crack the hell out of me, oh well he never fails to make me laugh.  You know what people say that Unix Admins are mostly condescending?  Bert just refuted that!

I was just watching at their conversation in the channel.

Bert: ping sectools … my securid auth is failing for some reason.
Sectool Guy: Hi Bert
Bert: hi Mark, voila…
Sectool Guy: What are you
Bert: umm… a human?
Bert: this is on dcweb.zur
Sectool Guy: I was gonna ask what are you getting
——– Issue got fixed without knowing the real cause ——–
Bert: as usual, i will attribute this to gremlins…. or leprechauns.
Sectool Guy: hey!…I’m Irish leprechauns only do good things…lol
Bert: ok, thrown cold water on that theory then.  8^)
Sectool Guy: if u catch him I get the gold…
Bert: ok. deal… i get the cool green hat though.
Sectool Guy: all yours. I’ll buy my own

and I just couldn’t help it I pinged Bert

Me: 4:14 AM        Bert        umm… a human?  <– lmao
Him: 8^)
Him: it’s was the only sensible answer.  8^)
Me: I was kinda expecting you would say something funny hahaha
Him: i try my best to entertain  8^)
Me: Bert        as usual, i will attribute this to gremlins…. or leprechauns.  — hahaha
Him: 8^)
Him: don’t underestimate gremlins.  8^)
Him: fact:  they cause 83% of compiler errors
Me: hahahaha
Him: and 105% of all RAC cluster failures.

Then there’s this one guy from Stamford who asked to prioritize his requests so I did, and after that the below were our conversation.

HIM: http://www.dunphymall.com/uploaded_images/290804-791874.jpg <= here’s a chicken in a sweater as a sign of grattitude
ME: aww cute.. but why chicken and in a sweater? I didn’t get that as sign of gratitude lol
HIM: that’s all I had handy :)
HIM: someone just chatted whole thing on our channel about this business in UK.. how they are knitting sweaters for chickens
HIM: If I had swiss chocolates I would’ve given you that :)

He made my day and made me laugh so hard! People are going crazy and giving away chicken in sweater!!

I’ve said it so many times, guys always says the same things… but this was sweet and I liked the song, pero wala na bang bago?

I know someone who is always arrogantly blunt but still says the sweetest thing and always on the right time, I miss him… it’s either I’m too busy or he is…  and all I ever did was whine about work whenever we talk like how much tired I am and whatnot!

Work has been really toxic, so far we are still managing but I don’t know for how long, sometimes I feel just like crying.  For the past two weeks I got used to sitting 8 hours straight without any breaks (expect when I need to pee) and had to always skip meal, and when I get home I usually lost the appetite already because I’m so tired and I just want to sleep.  I even have this burger on my fridge from last two days ago which was suppose to be my dinner but wasn’t able to eat it!

and tomorrow is another day! oopps, it’s later!!

This is Mohan, he is my Team Lead and today is his last day in UBS

For every job interview I had, they would always ask me about how was my relationship with my colleagues and boss. I would always say that I get along easily with other people and I tend to have a good working relationship with all my colleagues and I always have the best relationship with all of my boss.

I remember my final interview for this company and the Manager asked me why do I think I was there infront of him, I just told him that maybe they liked me (the leads of Unix) that’s why I got to the final interview, and he said, yes that’s true, they seem to like you a lot.  Then he said he’s afraid that if I joined the company I will work alone and don’t mingle with everyone, because I will be working with people which has different race and all and so I said he will never have that kind of problem with me as I am known to be very friendly and I think I will get along pretty well and I did.

I like Mohan a lot, he’s very supportive, he’s cool, he’s really nice to me and everyone, he’s funny, his jokes even if I find them corny still makes me burst out with laughter. He is a really nice team lead, and I would say that everyone in my team really loved him. The most thing I loved about him is that whenever I did something wrong and he tries to correct me, he still stays calm and explain me things nicely, if it were other boss, they could have yelled at me already. When you ask him about stuffs you don’t know, he will gladly teach you and explain it in details.  He’s very down to earth and he will really support you. He is a really nice guy and I will miss him so much, especially when I’ll be having issues at work because you really can depend on him with escalations.  He has been really patient with a stubborn team member like me.

Well like he said, Singapore is really a small place and IT industry here is much smaller so we will still see each other.

Anyway, my team mates played with Google translate and they were really funny they were trying to learn tagalog.. hahaha

Read! I was about to burst into tears but this cracked the hell out of me :D

I love my team, full of funny people :-p

This is one of the things I miss so much about HP, my banyo moments :D

But seriously I miss HP and I miss my work there, earlier I volunteered to do the “on call” duty on Saturday night which will mean that I’ll be working for 16 hours because I’ll be coming from EMEA shift so I will have to work two shifts straight, then people seem to find it odd that I’m willing to work 16 hours straight, then I told them it’s ok because I am used to it, I do it with HP and sometimes it’s more than 16 hours, one guy said that it’s not acceptable because I might make mistakes because I won’t be able to function well because I’ll be too tired and too sleepy but as far as I remember I did well working 16 hours straight doing 30 to 40 changes, patching heaps of servers, changing kernel parameters, doing maintenance reboot, software installations and so on and after all changes you have to do all necessary sanity checks then do your post change report, it was indeed tiring but after you have done all the work and did it well, everything is worth it.

So I just shut up when the guy said it’s not acceptable because I don’t want to sound too confident, anyway it’s a good thing they don’t tolerate it here but I miss the feeling of doing so much work and at the end of the day you will feel good because you know that you’ve done a good job and you just have to treat yourself for a two bottle of ice cold red horse beer :)

I can’t say I’m workaholic but I enjoy the challenge of what I do, I sometimes do procrastinate ;)