Category Archives: Random

men will make you weak because they know they can

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You have the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen in my entire existence and I could really kill myself now for pushing you away. (pakipot pa kse amf) I was surprised hearing your voice and you waking me up to check up on me, oh well I was still alive with a big regret of how I treated you the way I did, it was so stupid of me, trying so hard to find that feeling of strong connection between us and later did I realized that I was in fact wanting someone else.  But you’re keeping in touch so I think you haven’t lost your interest and I didn’t totally blew it… so I guess next week we can start over again?

Anyway since I was so pissed off at myself I laid down in bed the whole day just listening to music, emotera mode.  It’s never easy turning my back into something so special and addictive but I have to because I should know better and I hate how I have to really struggle not to give in even how much I really want to.  I can do this!  It’s funny how I literally look in front of the mirror to remind myself I deserve better.  I am getting weirder everyday!

Below are my songs for the week or maybe for the whole month!

Misery – Maroon 5

So scared of breaking it that you won’t let it bend
And I wrote two hundred letters I won’t ever send
Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper then they seem
You’d rather cover up I’d rather let them be
So let me be and I’ll set you free

Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine
The way it feels to be completely intertwined
It’s not that I didn’t care it’s that I didn’t know
It’s not what I didn’t feel, it’s what I didn’t show

Need you now – Lady Antebellum

Another shot of whiskey can’t stop looking at the door
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It’s a quarter after one I’m a little drunk
And I need you now said I wouldn’t call
But I’ve lost all control and I need you now

And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now guess I’d rather hurt
Than feel nothing at all

Till I Get Over You – Michelle Branch

We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice

chaque fois que tu t’en vas
You just bring me down
je pretends que tout va bien
So I’m counting my tears
Till I get over you

More songs

New Year’s Resolution… NOT!

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Below are the lists of things I want to accomplish this year.  I hope I get to do all.

Watch a movie alone

I always wanted to but I always freak out and I really don’t know why, I had so many attempts and no success and this year I would really want to be able to go inside a cinema alone and watch a movie I really want and enjoy it.

Get inked

I always wanted a tattoo but my Dad is quite conservative but then again I am 27 year old! I’m old enough to do what I want! but… I am not confident I will get a tattoo this year, but I will try at least to get the enough courage to do it.

Go to beach

I miss the beach big time, well I have been in a beach last year but that doesn’t count.  I wanna go to a nice beach and really enjoy it, maybe Bali or Coron again.

Learn how to swim

I know a little but I’m not really a good swimmer and I think I will enjoy it better than going to gym.

Take care of myself more

My asthma attacks had been chronic so I really need to do something and I guess I need to change my diet and start eating something healthy, I remember what James told me that I would feel happier if I’m healthy, so I will try to avoid the usual potato chips, cookies, nachos, chicken rice, fast food for breakfast and dinner :D

I would try my best not to lock myself in a room and have more social life, I have this cousin who also lives and works here and I’ve been here for a year but still haven’t seen her.  I would add that to the list, to make sure I meet her this year.

Save up

I have been working for almost 5 years now and I don’t really have savings so I need to be more responsible now and start saving.  Maybe I should consider investing into something.

Finish at least two or 3 months of the 365 project

It was always my dream to do this project but like in any other attempt I always fail on this one too, I will not try to really finish the whole 365 days but I will try to at least to at least the first two or three months and learn more about photography.

Try not to cut myself

I will try to finish 2011 without cutting myself, not even a simple cut.

Spend Christmas and New Year in Manila

It’s been two straight year that I didn’t spend my Christmas and New Year with family, so I will try hard to spend it in Manila this year.

I only have a few, I will not put more because I might not be able to do it, beside the list above is quite reasonable.  I didn’t include losing weight because it’s always on my list every year and I always fail so I’ll just see if I will gain more weight this year or I will lose weight but I could really care less.

I want this pillow

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Pillow Talk is a project aiming to connect long distance lovers. Each person has a pillow for their bed and a chest sensor which they wear to sleep at night. The chest sensor wirelessly communicates with the other person’s pillow; when one person goes to bed, their lover’s pillow begins to glow softly to indicate their presence. Placing your head on the pillow allows you to hear the real-time heartbeat of your loved one.

The result is an intimate interaction between two lovers, regardless of the distance between them.

Interesting and I want one of these…

work in progress

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Finally! I started changing the template! It’s still a work in progress though but at least I was able to remove the terrible banner!

I was chatting on mIRC earlier just to find my inspiration and I talked to some web designers but they didn’t help much.  I feel like I’m so new to this, I used to rock a template in just a few hours but nowadays I feel lost and my brain cells just won’t cooperate, I wish I have the talent with graphic designs, I wish David will show me his works soon! I want to continue but I feel so sleepy already.

I’m home alone and all I did was dance!  I cleaned that house but I still have a lot to work on, I need to get everything done at least before Friday because the boys will come over and we will celebrate Christmas Eve together here in my place since I’ll be home alone.

I got too tired of writing letters that are not being read so just to release my stress, I started dancing and now I couldn’t stop!  How I wish this dancing will make me lose weight, speaking of losing weight, my Aussie cousin is trying to convince me to do this diet he’s been doing, I told him I will start next year, besides people are telling me I gained too much weight already, I miss him, too bad we won’t be able to see each other on March as he needs to cancel his trip to Manila due to financial issues, but I’m proud of him, grown up to be a very responsible man!  Maybe next year I will be the one to visit them.

My status on facebook: “Just cause a girl hangs out with guys more than other girls doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a slut. Just means shes got more bros than hoes!”

I hate it when men assume things just because I’m separated and I live alone and I’m surrounded my men.  They should be really thankful I am still able to control myself or else they will go home with broken nose!

I realized I have been really selfish.

Him: Even how much you try to irritate me I will not leave
Me: I am not!
Him: Yes you are, maybe not directly but indirectly you are.

I guess I am, oh well.. hormones are to blame!

until this fucking ride stops

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I have this notion that this roller coaster ride with you is about to be over, I had it since a few days already,  but I’m still sitting here, desperately prolonging the the wild ride.  I’m currently losing myself in the moment, no questions asked, blind trust.  This chapter is not over yet, not just yet.

I keep chasing that something special I feel whenever I am with you, I am so tired of feeling numb and alone.  I miss that rush we experience together and those crazy discussions which made me feel alive.  I miss comfortably sharing thoughts with you.  I miss you so much it stings.

You are the only one that makes sense to me right now, even if I know you don’t deserve any of my emotions or any word I write, but let me be this crazy girl who can barely contain herself and lost in this raw emotions that consumes her. Soon I’ll be gone, I will disappear completely, with no trace, until then let me remain lost in your gaze.

I am bound by my own actions, and I have no control on what’s going to happen next, it’s always some kind of joke that keeps on knocking me down on my feet, I am not fucking afraid anymore. Whatever happens will happen when it does, so bring it on, I can take it, I’m so used to it.