The day was ruined…

The moment when I saw something I really didn’t want to see and it feels as if my heart is literally breaking.

There are different wells within your heart.
Some fill with each good rain,
Others are far too deep for that.

In one well
You have just a few precious cups of water,
That “love” is literally something of yourself,
It can grow as slow as a diamond
If it is lost.

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket to protect you.

Different wells in your heart (Hafez)

My day hasn’t really started yet, so I just have to make the rest of it to be really good.  I can do this!

I’m reading articles about photography, I just suddenly got inspired by Miss Annalyn and I have the camera with me for a long time already and still haven’t explored it yet.  I got too addicted with Hipstamatic, I even downloaded all the lenses.

iPhoneography :D

Last year I told myself I will master my DSLR before 2011 comes so I can start the 365 project I’ve been really wanting to accomplish but unfortunately I didn’t!  I started the 365 project but didn’t even got to 4th day because I cannot bring my cam everyday at work, it’s a bit heavy and self portraits are harder than I thought it would be.

Times

I was at Times bookstore at Suntec the other day because I’ve been trying to find a new book to read, I was there for like an hour, but still I didn’t find the right book that caught my interest, but this quote got my attention.

heartbroken and blessed

“How do you mend a broken heart? The answer is, you can’t. Cos every time you feel like everything’s fine and you can face the world again, life finds a way to break your heart again. But this time, the breaks are so deep, you can’t mend it anymore. And when you can’t mend it anymore, that’s the scariest thing.”

If I look back to my life last year, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, I would always think why this had happened to me? What’s wrong with me? I totally messed up.

I’m trying to move forward, I am earning good money now, I can settle everything back in Manila and just start over with Maisie with me, surely it will not be easy, it’s not easy being away from her, but I will get there, and I hope sooner.

After everything that had happened in my life, I couldn’t seem to trust anyone, I always get so paranoid, and I always feel like guys are all the same, same stupid promises that they never seem to keep, same sweet talks to get themselves inside your pants, same bullshits.

A good friend told me, that if it hurts more, I should stay on it, face it and don’t run from it and you’ll get numb, until it doesn’t hurt anymore, crazy as it may seem, this too shall pass.

As much as I am still hurting, I am happy, meeting you was fate, the only man in my life now who believes in me so much, in so many ways, whose helping me better myself, who is always there, the best friend I can ever have, the man who accepts everything that I am, the one who says bluntly to my face all my faults, who showed me everything I need to learn about life, how can I push him away?  I always do and he always stays  I’m such a mess and he’s beautiful.

I was heartbroken and it was such a blessing,  I’ve grown so much stronger and met someone who really gives a shit, and even if I can’t really have him now and I know it’s not going to be easy, I’m keeping the faith that our time will come, so for now it’s more than enough that he is always around for me.

Dear John

Finally! I’ve finished reading it, and for some reason I just couldn’t stop crying after reading it.  It was not quite as I expected because I was expecting that somehow the book will tell that a long distance relationship could really work out, but it didn’t, it was more realistic than I thought it would be, it was really heartbreaking, but anyhow it was a good read.

Fave qoutes:

When I think of you and me and what we shared, I know it would be easy for others to dismiss our time together as simply a by-product of the days and nights spent by the sea, a “fling” that, in the long run, would mean absolutely nothing. That’s why I don’t tell people about us. They wouldn’t understand, and I don’t feel the need to explain, simply because I know in my heart how real it was. When I think of you, I can’t help smiling, knowing that you’ve completed me somehow. I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream of the day that you’ll take me in your arms again. – Savannah

You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  You were my best friend and my lover, and I don’t regret a single moment of it.  You made me feel alive again, and most of all, you gave me my father. I’ll never forget you for that.  You’re always going to be the very best part of me. – John

I hate goodbyes, well who doesn’t?!? Now I can’t wait for the movie, I even forced a friend to squeezed me in her schedule to come with me and watch it :)