My friends usually teases me because am really not the type of person who is after the looks, not that I don’t appreciate physical beauty because I do as much as other girls do, but when it comes to someone who I wanna be with, physical appearance is the least of my concern.

Last night I met this guy, wait, scratch that, he actually didn’t introduced himself, he just keeps eyeing me and he’s a friend of a friend and one of my friend who noticed that he wanted to talked to me introduced me to him, I didn’t even get his name, because my friend just told him my name and I didn’t really bother to ask his, from that moment they came to us he already gave me that strange glance, but I didn’t care, I am really usually not the friendly type who will come to you and introduce myself just because you’re new to the group.  Then one of my girlfriend actually noticed that he has a nice body, a pretty sexy nice big chest!

So when he finally had the chance to talk to me he asked me if I wanna drink with him, I told him, sure he can sit besides me but I’m not drinking as I need a break from alcohol, then he repeated his question, I think he repeated it N times until I told him that I already told him okay but I’m fine with my soda and for goodness sake he just needs to be straight and be blunt, because from the tone of his voice he’s not really asking me to drink with him, it’s more than that, and then he just said “Okay, I get it, you don’t want to” then he stood up and then just continued to glance at me and he fucking unbuttoned his shirt! Pa-cute amf!

My point is, okay he’s sexy! So what?!? He still won’t get into my pants! He is just one of those white men I really despise!

I think I need a break with the dating scene, I actually want someone who will mean something and not just a rebound or whatnot, it’s been two years since I got separated from my ex husband and I can honestly say that I’m over it.  I think I’m ready to really let someone in, but I need to be picky this time! We’ll see how it goes.

For now I’ll love and pamper myself, I think I deserve that!

Dear You,

I was already getting better after that night Jane called you and you told her its over, until I got that SMS from you when I woke up, apologizing for leaving me hanging.  Just because you apologized doesn’t mean everything is magically fixed, I preferred that you didn’t because it just brought back all the emotions, I literally burst into tears when I read your message BUT I appreciate it, I bet it took you so much courage to SMS me.  It’s a good thing too because I was able to say my goodbye.

You’ve been good to me as well, so don’t think you’ve not been kind to me because you were, the only thing you’ve done wrong was kept me hanging and not having the balls to tell me you’re done with me.

Yeah, we lost in touch and it was my fault too as I was too proud.  Maybe it was a misunderstanding but what happened already happened.  You’ve met a girl you really like and that’s totally fine with me, I just thought that you could have at least be a man to tell me and not just keep me hanging.

Falling for you was never the plan, but yeah I guess with those six months and even if I always deny it, I’ve fallen for you, got hooked and got too attached, it didn’t happen overnight so as much as I am trying to move on and forget about you, I still feel you, see you whenever I close my eyes, I secretly search for you in crowded places, I still hear your voice in my head, but I’m getting better, I’m just really not there yet… it will take time.

We have good memories and I can’t even think of a bad one, not even single one, but yeah except this one.  But everything was great with you.  You’ve made me feel so loved and wanted with your passion, but I’ve learned that it doesn’t mean that it’s the real thing.

I don’t hate you and I’m not angry, it’s just that I’m hurt.

Wendy

So I guess this is where our chapter ends…

Pain doesn’t tell you when you ought to stop.  Pain is the little voice in your head that tries to hold you back beac it knows if you continue, you will change.  Don’t let it stop you from being who you can be… Exhaustion tells you when you ought to stop, you only reach your limit when you can go no further.

I feel so sick inside.

I can’t blame him because it was true, he never said he loves me, and I know he doesn’t, but six months is still six months.  I am so pissed off with myself more than with him being not a MAN and tell me, because I went against my better judgement and let myself get too attached.  Now I can’t even tell which is real with everything we’ve shared.

I’m so stupid, men are lining up for me and I chose get attached to someone who is sooooo not worth it and I’m crying over a guy who can’t even be man enough to tell me he’s done with me!  I so pissed off with myself because I exerted effort, to learn his language even if I wasn’t really interested, learned to love wine and so much more, I should have not gave in!

I hate myself for feeling too much, I should have known better, I know better but fuck I’ve let my emotions took the wheel!

I’m thankful with friends who really care so much for me and hate to see me like this.  I forgot what was important and I really need to get hold of myself.

I’m soooo done being hurt.  Well like Jane said, this is Singapore, everything is temporary and nothing is for real!

Geez! people say I’m very intelligent, where the fuck is my intelligence now?!?!